Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I will be naked everywhere
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
