You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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