On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
