Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
