I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize