Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
PANTIES FOUND
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
