Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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