I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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