I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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