Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize