the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
