I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
