Your mouth is God's brothel.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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