you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
