I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
