Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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