This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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