i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
