he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
