we made out on top of his cat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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