my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Are my feet made of real feet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
