Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This baby is an asshole
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize