God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
