I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
