this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am naked and annoyed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
