I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
