apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
