We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
