i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
