I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
