After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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