u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
