OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
