i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize