is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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