hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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