I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize