I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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