I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
