I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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