No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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