who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize