Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
