u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
