I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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