He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
