i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
