Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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