I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
