totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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