He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
