He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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