he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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