So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
