Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
