the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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