U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
