i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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