i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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