i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
