First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
