I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
