my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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