i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize