So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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