dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize