Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
