their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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