Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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