Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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