He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
