let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
