Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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