He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
