she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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