I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
