Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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