does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
