so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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