I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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