no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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