whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
